Midwest Book Review: “Hard-hitting… Compelling...”
A new review for Never Turn Your Back on the Tide is out! From the Midwest Book Review:
Never Turn Your Back on the Tide (Or, How I Married a Lying, Psychopathic Wannabe-Murderer and Kinda Lived to Tell) is a hard-hitting memoir that Kergan Edwards-Stout never thought he'd write. After all—sometimes it's better to "let sleeping dogs lie". Or, is it? In this case, it quickly becomes evident that this is a story that needed to be told not only for the sake of family, survivors, forgiveness and moving on, but as a lesson for others who might recognize themselves in it and learn from its discussion.
Kergan Edwards-Stout and his mate 'Eyes' are California married gay men with a one-and-a-half-year-old adopted son. When Kergan learns his partner was not only involved with another man, but had introduced their child to him, hell begins... and it doesn't release him for years. Before it does, everything will change.
Never Turn Your Back on the Tide is about this particular brand of emotional hell, but it's as much about what contributes to naivety and downfall in the victim as about the modus operandi of his partner. This is just one defining, exceptional facet of the story, along with Kergan's lyrical descriptions: "For every lollipop, there is a sucker. And to understand Eyes, and his success in my deception, you need to understand me. The ultimate sucker."
His search for understanding explores a gay man's evolution, romances, flings, and changing relationship with parents and the world. Graphic sexual encounters pepper this world, along with astute reflections on the search for love and meaning.
The processes of coupling, uncoupling, sorrow over friends deceased, and forming often-mercurial unions before he becomes infatuated with Eyes is covered, along with the evolving deceptions that he realizes when he learns Eyes is not just having an affair, but is deeply involved with and actually wedded to another. And not just one 'another', either.
Another powerful facet to Never Turn Your Back on the Tide is its explicit survey of the process of gaslighting and how it works. Kergan's candid explorations of his feelings, reactions, and conundrums during this process is astute and emotionally revealing: "The daily barrage of lies, attempting to make me feel as it were my own issues which were fueling Eyes’ actions, was tearing me up."
Finally, Kergan goes the extra mile to confront his own personality, needs, and contribution to his situation with a therapist. This adds a further dimension of growth to his story which offers many personal reflections that readers will readily understand: "I used to feel as if I were an alien being, alone in the vast sea of humanity. Wherever I went, I felt this “otherness”, and it wasn’t an easy cloak to wear. I felt alone, even in a large group of people. It seemed that I didn’t laugh as easily as others, or at the same things. I had a different perspective on almost everything, and rarely met anyone with whom I fully connected or felt at ease. I would try my best to fit in, but it never felt genuine. When I was younger, I attributed this other-worldly state to being gay, but as I quickly discovered, I was just as out-of-place in the gay community as in the world at large. And being the odd-man-out is a lonely mantle to carry."
Compelling and graphically candid, whether it be about gay sexual evolution or emotional journeys, Never Turn Your Back on the Tide surveys a powerful series of lessons that are thought-provoking, involving, and revealing. While its likely audience will be gay readers interested in relationships, both sexes will find Kergan's story holds food for thought for anyone who would cultivate kindness and respect, breaking the silence of shame and secrets to contribute nuggets of wisdom to future generations.
- D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review