Boopsie Givenchy: This I Believe...

(This was originally written in 1994, for the magazine SexVibe.  Revisiting it today, I am happy to find that I wouldn't change a word.)I believe that “gay” still means “happy”.I believe that good will always triumph--Unless, of course, we’re talking "Melrose Place”.I believe that Latoya Latex could benefit from a nice full-length mirror.I believe that one day Richard Simmons will rise up and lead us.I believe in fairies.I believe that Stephen Sondheim should be deified.I believe that the Rev. Fred Phellps should not.I believe in the Golden Rule (and anything else made of gold.)I believe that rimming is next to Godliness.I believe that Pamela Sue Martin is due for a comeback.I believe that O.J. needs a better acting coach.I believe that Susan Sarandon is the only woman I’d ever sleep with.I believe that in Newt Gingrich’s next life, he’ll come back as Connie Norman.I believe that in Mel Gibson’s next life, he’ll come back as a blow-up orifice Ken doll.I believe that the seven deadly sins should’ve included bad hair.I believe that no one will ever hand you anything--except a supeona.I believe that “Saturday Night Live” should have been canceled long ago.I believe that Calgon can take you away.I believe that one day there will be a cure for AIDS.And I believe that I will be here to see it.