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I am a Freak.

Until just a few years ago, I felt as if I were an alien being, alone in the vast sea of humanity.  Wherever I went, I felt this “otherness”, and it wasn’t an easy cloak to wear.

I felt alone, even in a large group of people.  It seemed that I didn’t laugh as easily as others, or at the same things.  I had a different perspective on almost everything, and rarely met anyone with whom I fully connected or felt at ease.  I would try my best to fit in, but it never felt genuine.

Why, I wondered, wasn’t I like everyone else?

When I was very young, I attributed this other-worldly state to being gay, but as I quickly discovered, I was just as out of place in the gay community as in the world at large.  And being the odd man out is a lonely mantle to carry, at best.

A few years ago, a wise therapist suggested I take the Myers-Briggs personality test. Essentially, you are given a quiz asking how you typically respond to a variety of situations.  Your responses are them tabulated and your personality type is determined.

There are 16 different types, and I am what is known as an INFJ — the initials stand for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging.

While I immediately recognized myself in the description of an INFJ, what was most revolutionary was to find that only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.  And the percentage is even lower among men!

For years, I had carried the burden of feeling alone, blaming myself for some perceived flaw, only to find that there was a fully rational factor that, indeed, made me different.  Changing this from a fault to a gift allowed a fundamental shift to occur in how I  viewed both myself and others.

Today, I’m still a freak.  But at least now I know that I’m a freak of nature.

3 Responses

  1. Zak

    This is a great post! I’ll take the quiz and thanks for sharing 🙂

    March 22, 2013 at 10:32 am

  2. Pingback: » My Father’s a Homo. My Mother’s Not Thrilled at All. Kergan Edwards-Stout

  3. Angela Davenport

    Luv ya you freak!!! Guess I must be a freak too! 🙂

    June 30, 2011 at 5:21 pm

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